Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
