can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
