I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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