i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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