i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just pee around me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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