just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
