We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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