she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
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