she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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