the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
