im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Can you bring me the toilet please
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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