dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
