my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
