It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
