I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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