You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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