there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They took my balls.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
