She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
