U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
