um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
