just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
