And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
