haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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