You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
