Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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