I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
This baby is an asshole
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
