Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
