those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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