I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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