I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
