If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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