dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
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