saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
