i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
