Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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