Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
