I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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