need another drink. this is the easiest way
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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