if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
