It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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