in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
