Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
