so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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