What a fucking waste of an outfit
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
