I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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