is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
