That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
