literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
