Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
