Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
