never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
