she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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