bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
